


Skinny Love (Jaspar)

by KillerQueen726



Series: Our Life As Jaspar [1]
Category: Jaspar - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Gay, M/M, Ship, YouTube, confess, jaspar, skinny love, thunder storm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen726/pseuds/KillerQueen726
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe loves Caspar but can't bring himself to tell him how he feels.  All it takes is a freak thunderstorm and power outage for the truth to come out. But will Caspar return the feelings or will Joe's fear of rejection become a reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skinny Love (Jaspar)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: panic attacks
> 
> Skin-ny Love  
> /'skine/ /lev/  
> (n.) When two people love eachother but are too afraid or shy to admit it, but they still show it.

**Joe’s POV**

It was a rainy Thursday evening in April and I sat on the couch upstairs playing FIFA with my roommate Caspar. My first real love. But he didn’t know that. He couldn’t. Caspar didn’t know I was gay. Hell, I didn’t even know I was gay until a few months ago. I wanted to tell him so badly. To be with him. To be his. To call him mine. But Caspar wasn’t gay. Besides from the way he talked about MyLifeAsEva he clearly fancied her. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and smiled. His hair was dawn and he was focused intently on the game.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Caspar’s shout of triumph. “YES” he yelled. “I won.”

“Good on you mate” I said absentmindedly.  

Caspar looked at me as he turned off the console. “Joe are you alright. You’ve been out of it all week. Come to think of it you’ve been all out of sorts for a while now. Is something the matter?” He put his hand on my arm and I felt a shock run through my body.

I sighed and ran through my hair. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him. “I’m okay Caspar. Just....I’m just...I’m fine.”

I stood up and started walking to the stairs when Caspar grabbed my wrist. “Joe you’re not fine. I know you too well. You can tell me, what's bothering you” he said.

I pulled out of his grip and hurried toward the stairs. “I’m fine Caspar. It’s not like you could fix it anyways” I snapped. “Just leave me alone.”

I ran to my room and slammed the door. I pulled off my clothes and put on a t-shirt (It was actually Caspar’s shirt but I’d stolen it. He didn’t seem to mind.) and a pair of pajama pants. I sat down on the bed and pulled out my phone. I scrolled through twitter and then shut off my phone. There was a small knock at my door.

“Joe can I come in” called Caspar softly. He cracked the door open slightly and stood in the doorway. “Joe?”  I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was hurt by what I said upstairs. I felt awful but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.My mind started racing. _What if he thinks its weird and moves out? What if he stops being my friend? What if he told our friends and they all make fun of me?_ Only Zoe knew about my sexuality and how I felt about Caspar. She encouraged me to tell him but I was so afraid of losing him that I couldn’t. The thought of losing Caspar made me want to curl up into a ball and cry. He was my other half.

“JOE” Caspar called jerking me from my thoughts.

“Sorry, I zoned out” I stammered embarrassed.

“No it’s fine, I was just going to tell you that the forecast tonight said that the thunderstorms are supposed to be really really bad tonight. I know you're anxiety gets worse around loud noises so you’re welcome to sleep in my room like you used to during storms. It hasn’t rained this hard in a while and I wanted you to know that you still can come to me” he said nervously.

I blushed at the thought of falling asleep curled up with Caspar but I looked away. I just couldn’t. “Th-thanks Caspar but I’ll be alright.”

His face fell and he nodded and turned to leave.

“Caspar” I called suddenly. He turned around a glint of hopefulness in his eyes. “I lo-....I......I...never mind.” I just couldn’t do it. He turned around and walked out the door. “Goodnight Casp” I said softly.

“Night” came his reply. He closed the door behind him and I sighed, collapsing onto the bed. I was a bloody coward and I loathed myself for it.

**Caspar’s POV**

I closed Joe’s door and walked to my room. I ran my hands through my hair angrily. “Boy you’ve really done it this time Caspar.” I muttered to myself. In my mind, there was only one explanation for why Joe seemed to be avoiding me. He had caught on to my feelings. I was bisexual. I had fallen head over heels for Joe and I knew he didn’t feel the same. He was straight. He had probably caught on by now. I had started becoming more physical with him and he clearly couldn’t return the feelings. He was drifting away from me. I was losing him.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I flopped onto my bed.  I wanted - no. I _needed_ Joe. He was my everything. He was my best friend and the thought of losing him made me feel sick. I sighed as I shut off my light and turned on my lamp. Only my sister Theo knew about my bisexuality. I didn’t want to tell Joe because I could already tell he didn’t have feelings for me. I was a lost cause.

A few hours later I lay in bed on my phone. The thunderstorm was at it’s peak and the house shook with every clap of thunder or streak of lightning. I was about to get up to get a drink from the kitchen as the power went out and a loud clap of thunder resonated through the flat.

I groaned and grabbed a flashlight. I left my room and started making my way to the hall when I heard something coming from Joe’s room. Joe had ligyrophobia (fear of really loud sounds) and really bad anxiety so thunderstorms were hell for him. He used to come share my bed and fall asleep with his head on my chest so he didn’t have to face the storms alone. I used to be a sense of security to him. I’d lost that too I guess.

I walked passed his room just to check on him and I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard him calling my name.

**Joe’s POV**

I had yet to fall asleep. The thunder was almost deafening and I could hardly breathe. My lamp was on and I had tried writing to help calm myself. I don’t know, it just helps. My hand was shaking like crazy. I threw the pen across the room. Thunder sounded throughout the house and I let out a whimper as I curled my knees to my chest.

“Caspar” I whispered to myself. I tried picturing my roommate asleep on his bed. Lightning flashed and I burst into tears as the power went out.

It was pitch black. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t breathe. I was sobbing uncontrollably and could hardly make out words. I kept taking in big gulps of air trying to breathe but I couldn’t.

“C-c-Caspar” I called. “Caspar please” I said loudly.

Another clap of thunder sounded and I put my hands over my ears. My heart was racing and I felt sick. It felt like I was trapped. I couldn't see. I was trapped in the pitch black darkness of my room. I tried to stand up and at the same time a loud clap of thunder sounded and I screamed Caspar’s name as I slid dizzily down the wall hugging my knees and crying. The door swung open and Caspar was at my side in an instant.

** Caspar’s POV **

I burst into Joe’s room and I could see him on the floor curled up. I ran to him. He was hyperventilating and crying hard. “Joe I’m here” I said. I took him face in my hands and he looked at me. Lightning flashed and I could see the fear in his expression. “Cas...C-Caspar” he whispered hoarsely. “Caspar help me I can’t breathe” he sobbed grabbing my arm. I broke my heart to see him this way.

I picked him up bridal style and he wrapped his arms around me, burying his head into the crook of my neck. I set him on my bed and plugged in my battery powered lamp I kept i my closet. “Joe look at me” I said calmly. “Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in.....breathe out.” I pulled the smaller boy into my arms and he pressed his head into my chest. “It’s okay Joe I’m not going to let anybody or anything hurt you. I love you” I stammered. “I will always be here Joe it’s going to be okay, I’m here.” I rubbed circles on his back as he cried into my shirt.

I wrapped my other arm around him and layed down on the bed. This was definitely the worst attack Joe has ever had. Well at least that I had seen

About thirty minutes later the storm had subsided. Along with Joe’s anxiety attack.

“Casp” he said softly. “Are you awake?”

“I’m here Joe.”

“I think....I think I’m ready to tell you what was bothering me earlier.” He sat up and pulled away from me. He refused to look me in the eyes.

My heart sank. _Here it comes_ I thought bitterly. _I don’t want to live with you anymore Caspar. I’m not gay Caspar. I don’t want to talk to you Caspar_. “I’m in love with you Caspar” he said quietly. So quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

I looked up and met his gaze. He quickly looked away. “What” I ask.

“I’m in love with you” he blurted louder. “I’m in love with you and everything about you. The way you always know what to say and know how to help” he continued to ramble on nervously and I just stared. “I know you don’t feel the same way and you probably want me to leave you alone I just couldn’t hold it in any longer was tired of lying to you I....I.....I love you. As more than a best friend. As more than a roommate.” He looked at me timidly his eyes brimming with tears.

I was speechless. “Joe, I-” but he cut me off.

“Right.” he said. “I’ll just go.” He got off my bed and started to walk to the door.

I leapt of off of the bed and crossed the room in two long strides. I spun Joe around, put my hands on his waist, pulled him close to me, and kissed him. I could feel him melt into the kiss and he moved his hands around my neck. I deepened the kiss and I could feel the fireworks going off. Everything about it just felt perfect.

We both pulled away from the kiss panting a little. Joe looked at me and smiled. “But...I thought you were straight....what about Eva” He asked in awe.

“I’m bi. I was scared to tell you” I admitted. “I thought you would think I was just confused or looking for attention or something. I never had romantic interest with her. The kisses were just for the videos nothing more.” I promised him. “But what about you, I thought you were straight too.”

Joe just shook his head. “I realized the way I felt about you I’d never felt around any girl. You make feel safe, Caspar you make me feel like I’m worth it.”

“Because you are. Joe you’re my first real love the way you make me feel and the way I feel around you is more than enough proof to me at least that I want to - no, I need to be with you. I love you Joe.”

Joe stood on his tip toes and brushed his thumb along my bottom lip.  “What did I do to deserve somebody like you, Cas” he purred lightly and for the first time all night, he fully met my gaze.

I leaned down and took Joe’s hand, intertwining it with mine. He smiled and leaned up and pressed his lips against mine cautiously as if he was afraid this wasn’t real. As if he was expecting people to run in and tell him he’d been pranked. But this was for real. I picked him up bridal style and set him down on the bed. I layed down and lay down next to me. He lay his head onto my chest interlocking our fingers and smiling. The power had come back on but neither of us had noticed.

“Caspar” he said nervously.

“Yeah?”

“There are supposed to be more storms tonight.”

“Joe, no matter what happens I’ll protect you. I’m not going to leave you and we will get through the night together.” I said soothingly. “I promise.”

“I love you Casp.” He said sleepily.

“I love you too.”

“Caspar” he called softly. I could tell he was moments away from sleeping. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

I wrapped my arms around him tighter and smiled. “Of course.”

  
  


**End.**


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